I’m not sure how I got here; when things got to be this way. Maybe they always were, and I just didn’t know it. Was I seeing things through colored glasses? Was I telling a story that was all in my mind? I might never know, so that I stay here forever.
When it rained, I looked upward, blinking from the drops’ assault on my eyes. I wanted to see where they came from. I needed to see past the gloom, the clouds and fog I’ve been in. Beyond all of that, I could see the two of us. We were happy together, and I wondered if the raindrops were tears of joy (ours or another’s). I wanted to be there so badly. The vision lingered on after the storm had gotten tired and gone away. It stayed with me, a reminder of never days.
After the rain, I was tired enough to lay down. When I closed my eyes, the earth rumbled and the cavern floor disappeared. I grabbed hold of my surroundings, and held tightly, as images from below rose up with the heat. Beneath the fire, I was watching myself, alone with my thoughts. I was rage and hate, darkness and despair. I hated myself, and the world’s joy. And you. The whole thing terrified me more than I care to admit. It was a reminder that deep down, the darkness never goes away. I shut my eyes to shut it out, a future all too possible, I didn’t wish to see.
I awoke with a start, and lay without moving. Visions get worse at every turn. I don’t know where to go, which way I should proceed. Too many paths, and none of them good. I still haven’t moved, when I hear thunder in the distance. It will be raining soon, and I’ll look up at the sky.